Tis The Season

You know, fall usually brings many wonderful things. The Red Sox settling in for a hard playoff run, the beginning of the football season, and of course Hockey and the Chase for the Nextel Cup.

Sure, for many of us start school again, or those of us with S.A.D. begin drawing up blueprints on the best and safest ways to kill others, but by and large fall brings about the rich and creamy goodness of padded violence, sweaters, falling leaves, and the chance to bag a hot chick as she's hoping against all hope that this isn't the last time she gets to wear something ridiculously slutty in the sun and have it count as normal wear. (Note: It's not. If you live anywhere near a college campus, girls are still "fucking retarded" enough to think that skirts and ugz boots with bugeye sunglasses and some sort of faux-hip jacket qualify as "in" winter-wear.)

But there's something that is really pissing me off. Go ahead, call me a homer, call me blind to the realities of sports, or unable to look at a situation objectively. In true fitzy fashion, I say GFY. That's "Go Fuck Yourself" for those of you unfortunate enough to be familiar with Fitzy. (Hint: www.townienews.com)

Can you be serious though? This much outrage about the Patriots possibly videotaping Jets signals? I mean...honestly? People are going to call for the coach to be suspended? Terrell Davis (former Denver Donkey's RB) says that they should be banned from the playoffs for two years? Some of the Eagles have said that they think the Pats should be forced to forfeit their Superbowl victory and the Eagles should get their rings. Really? Go fuck yourself.

I hate Philadelphia. I've been there once or twice or too many times. It's dirty, it's gross, and it produces the worst sports fans in the world. True, New England fans can be obnoxious, but at least we have a reason for it. And we're still not New York, that waste of a fucking state. Think Mexico would buy it? Anyway, the Eagles are so down on themselves because they cannot produce a team anywhere near championship quality that they have to find something to bring down a team that beat them? Goddammit I hate you Philadelphia. Why do you have to be such a worthless city? Your fucking nickname is "city of brotherly love." What? Not only are you gay, but you condone incest? Holy god I hate Philadelphia. I never ever ever thought Benjamin Franklin was wrong, until I just checked to make sure on Wikipedia that he helped to start the American Revolution there.

Anyway, enough about how shitty Philly is. If you've ever been to Pennsylvania, you know pretty much the entire state sucks. If only charm was toothless...

Of course, objectively one has to be upset at this Pats thing. The absolute hands down best team of the last 6 years was caught cheating. It makes a modicum of sense to assume that they've been doing it a while, but when it comes down to it, taping defensive signals can't make people run faster, jump higher, remember patterns, catch or hold the ball better. There are so many fucking variables in the game, that it's asinine to assume that stealing a couple defensive signals will win a game for you. And it's ALSO asinine to assume that they were able to get all the defensive signals, interpret them all, and then adequately see the signal, call in a change of play, and get the offense to pull of the perfect play around the called defense. It's called Occham's Razor folks, lex parsimonae. The simplest explanation is the truest one. They are just the better team.

Now take off your jealous pants and get ready for another ass-whooping. I hope as they cross the podium and hold the Lombardi Trophy in February, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady both have video cameras.

GFY.