I know nobody reads this...

I know that nobody reads this thing...

But I just read the most distressing thing on CNN.com. Apparently the United States is working on a $10 billion arms package for Saudi Arabia. What? Excuse me? Do I look like I'm fucking stupid? Does the rest of the country look like they are fucking stupid?

Very quickly, I'd like to say this: 17 of the 19 hijackers on 9/11 were Saudi. Which to me is reason enough not to give those motherfuckers weapons... The reason they were Saudi but joined up with those who like to attack America is because they had firsthand experience with the grubby and greedy hands of American capitalist enterprise trying to weasel their way into controlling Saudi oil interests. THAT'S why they don't like us. Because we put our noses where they don't belong, and try and control things that we have no business controlling. So now we're going to give money to S.A. in an effort to help them fight Iran? You must be fucking stupid. Here's what's going to happen: We're going to make MORE war in the Middle East (which is NEVER GOOD FOR ANYONE) and we're going to give Iran a better case for hating us -- we're helping other people fight them.

I do not hold Iran in high esteem, but I do not hold the Saudi's in high esteem either. Quite simply, the United States is spending ANOTHER $10 billion to directly finance terrorism.

How in the name of all that I find holy (bagels and doughnuts) is this going to Help America? If there was a god, he/she would never let this shit happen.

ESPN -- You suck.

Dear ESPN:

I want to start with this: I love you. You are the source of so much joy in my life. You allow me to learn so many pointless stats about sports that I don't even like so that I may impress male strangers and force many an attractive woman to roll her eyes at my dorkiness.

I would like to continue with this: You fucking suck. I check your website probably 600 times a day. 650 if it's a slow day at work, and 550 if I found a fun porn site when I got home from work, and every time that I do, I get your sportscenter sound. You know, "da-duh-da, da-duh-da." At first this sound made me smile, I got all happy about getting to hear something new from the sports-world that day. But on these past billion occasions, it has been on your website, with this little banner updating me on Barry Bonds and his chase for the Home Run Record. ESPN, I don't give a shit. ESPN, the majority of America does not give a shit.

Honestly. I feel like the SportsNation polls you put on your website daily should ask this question, "Do you care about the Barry Bonds HomeRun Chase?" Overwhelmingly the nation will answer NO. NO. HELL NO. I WOULD RATHER GO LONG MOONLIT STROLL WITH PARIS HILTON than hear about Barry Bonds. Absolutely disgusting. Nobody cares, stop promoting it. The worst part about it is that the people who DO care, only care because SC pimps it like David Beckham coming to America.

Please. Stop. He used to do Steroids. He's a cheater. Nobody cares.

I would like to close with this: Despite your programming supersaturated with coverage of shitty sports (especially basketball) I still love you. It's just unfortunate that the reporter has become bigger than the game, and their ego shows it. Shame on you ESPN. But I still love you...

This, is Rocky Mountain Golfer.

So in the spirit of being all high on myself, I've embedded a segment from Rocky Mountain Golfer, the show that I work on. The voice is mine, and the segment I edited a large portion of. Comment if you want, I guess. It is what it is, I just feel like being a showoff.









And just for your internet enjoyment, Rocky Mountain Golfer is a production of SportsHD in Denver, CO. You can find out more at SportsHD.com, as well as Rockymtngolfer.com.

What you think you know often has nothing to do with reality...

For some DUMBASS reason last night, after getting back from dinner and some bar action, I had a ridic amount of completely horrible dreams. Like...dreams about throwing up, dreams about Paris Hilton trying to have sex with me (directly preceded the throwing up dream, ironically enough.) Umm...I also had a dream about being a celebrity...this kind of goes along with the Paris Hilton thing. I was at a party all cool and hanging out with celebs and people wanted to talk to me...really random.

I guess it has something to do with the fact that I do the voice-over for a show called Rocky Mountain Golfer that airs out here in the west on Fox Sports Rocky Mountain. I just felt really cool, and I really enjoy that what started as an unpaid internship has turned into a full-time job that has some really cool perks, is a lot of fun, and I get to do voice talent stuff. What Mike Rowe is to Deadliest Catch, I am to Rocky Mountain Golfer. Except...not even close to as cool as he.

It's Saturday...and I have to fucking work at the restaurant tonight, and I am PISSED. Cannot fathom (aside from keeping my discount) why in the world I volunteer to give up my Saturday nights. Not only that, but when I originally asked for every other Saturday and they said no, I said I'd do every Saturday as long as they gave me a good shift. So that means a cocktail shift (come late, leave early) Open Dinner (start at 3, out by 9) or a Swing (start at 1, first cut at night around 8) So those shifts let me have some of my night free, while helping me to maximize my time and money. So I call yesterday to find out when indeed I do work, and it turns the fuck out that I had a meeting at 11 (no way in hell I'm attending) and I also have to work at 4:15, so what that means I'm a dinner single. Dinner Singles (only working a single shift all day) is the worst thing to be because you have to stay there forever. I will be there all night, and have no free time this evening. Not that I really had a lot going on, but I am ridiculously protective of my free time.

Okay, enough bitching. Shit has been great lately.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.

~J