ESPN -- You suck.

Dear ESPN:

I want to start with this: I love you. You are the source of so much joy in my life. You allow me to learn so many pointless stats about sports that I don't even like so that I may impress male strangers and force many an attractive woman to roll her eyes at my dorkiness.

I would like to continue with this: You fucking suck. I check your website probably 600 times a day. 650 if it's a slow day at work, and 550 if I found a fun porn site when I got home from work, and every time that I do, I get your sportscenter sound. You know, "da-duh-da, da-duh-da." At first this sound made me smile, I got all happy about getting to hear something new from the sports-world that day. But on these past billion occasions, it has been on your website, with this little banner updating me on Barry Bonds and his chase for the Home Run Record. ESPN, I don't give a shit. ESPN, the majority of America does not give a shit.

Honestly. I feel like the SportsNation polls you put on your website daily should ask this question, "Do you care about the Barry Bonds HomeRun Chase?" Overwhelmingly the nation will answer NO. NO. HELL NO. I WOULD RATHER GO LONG MOONLIT STROLL WITH PARIS HILTON than hear about Barry Bonds. Absolutely disgusting. Nobody cares, stop promoting it. The worst part about it is that the people who DO care, only care because SC pimps it like David Beckham coming to America.

Please. Stop. He used to do Steroids. He's a cheater. Nobody cares.

I would like to close with this: Despite your programming supersaturated with coverage of shitty sports (especially basketball) I still love you. It's just unfortunate that the reporter has become bigger than the game, and their ego shows it. Shame on you ESPN. But I still love you...